Separating with Children?
Do you want to avoid your child getting hurt and experiencing psychological distress?
Why do children end up suffering during separation?
How can you maintain your child’s wellbeing?
How can you help your child cope during separation and life after so they stay mentally healthy?
What do you say to your ex to get them on board with co-parenting?
What are the 7 key steps for separating with children to maintain their wellbeing during a separation and living across two homes?
STEP 1
Both parents need to let go of:
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Making themselves look good
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Being the favourite parent
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Winning brownie points
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Shaming the other parent
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Extracting information from your child about the other parent
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Ego
Your child’s wellbeing is connected to feeling LOVED, CONNECTED and NOURISHED from BOTH OF YOU.
They need to feel SECURE and SAFE and never be used to help with any parent’s agenda.
STEP 2
Your child needs to know:
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You both love them
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They have two homes full of love
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The separation is nothing to do with them
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It’s a better choice this way so mummy and daddy can be happier and good parents
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Their feelings are real and its okay to feel this way. (Validation is crucial and negative feelings should not brushed over with positivity)
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You do not need to answer all their questions.
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They can be told that somethings are for adults and you will be taking care of it. .
Your child mustn’t feel like they need to help and solve your problems.
STEP 3
Remove psychological distress your child experiences in the way of:
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feeling they are responsible for your problems – so they don't ignore their own needs and stop developing psychologically as they should do at their age
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feeling they need to fix your problems
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feeling they are responsible for making you feel good - so they don't become a people pleaser
Kids love both parents. To shame and put down a parent causes:
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psychologically distress to them which can lead to mental health challenges
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feelings of insecurity and being torn between both parents
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emotional guilt
A child is learning about their emotions and how to process and manage them. They do not need added challenges like feeling responsible for your problems and emotions and helping your agenda with the other parent.
I can teach you what to say and do to create a psychologically healthy environment for your child.
I'll guide you through what to do to give your child the best opportunity to have good mental health.
STEP 4
Speak respectfully about the other parent:
It’s not just about avoiding saying anything mean, it’s about freely speaking kindly tabout the other parent:
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ask how they are
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reinforce how lucky the child is to have two homes full of love
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reinforce that their step parent cares for them so much.
It can get tough, I have been there:
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a new partner enters the scene
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they other parent won't pay child support
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they don’t contribute
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they take them out of private school to punish you.
THEY LIVE A GOOD LIFE AND CRY POOR!
STEP 5
Do not make your issues your child's issues
Your child has their own choices and mistakes to make in life.
This is YOUR issue, not your child’s.
Engaging in negative discussions about your child’s other parent will cause psychological distress to your child and this will make parenting more of a challenge for you as they act out from their psychological distress that they don’t know how to process and manage.
No matter what your partner has done your child does not need to know the details.
According to the age of your child, you will use words to explain why you live in two homes now like:
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Choices
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Boundaries
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Self-love
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Healthy environment
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Better as friends
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A better team this way
I WILL TEACH YOU INTERACTIVE GAMES AND DISCUSSIONS THAT YOU CAN HAVE WITH YOUR CHILD TO HLEP COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY THEIR CHANGE OF FAMILY DYNAMICS AND LIVING
STEP 6
USE CONSCIOUS WORDS AND ACTIONS TO BUILD YOUR CHILDS SELF ESTEEM AND SECURE ATTACHMENT
What happens in childhood carriers over to adulthood. By protecting your child’s self-esteem and healthy attachment with each parent, they will more likely develop into adults with high self-esteem and healthy attachments with their partners.
As parents, you are primary care givers and shape your child’s attachment style. Your child may have formed or will form an insecure, secure or anxious styles of attachment. If it is anxious or insecure, this can be corrected so they can maintain healthy relationship with others and themselves into adulthood.
Separation can help your child grow and evolve for the better if you help them process it and both parents use positive interactions with them.
I will teach you what these conscious conversations are, the conscious actions you can take, the games you can play at the dinner table or in the car on the way home from school.
I will teach you have to help construct a secure attach style with your child.
STEP 7:
BE YOUR CHILDS ROLE MODEL
How you show up each day, how you handle adversity, how your character grows from hard times, is who they will become.
This is an opportunity to teach your child how to stay in a mode of operating from ‘Love’, using words and actions aligned to this. When the wrong thing is being done to you, do not do it back.
I will teach you how to go higher within yourself to find peace and let go, so you survive and then thrive.
STEP 8
HOW YOU CAN STOP LETTING YOUR BITTER EMOTIONS FROM YOUR EX COME OUT IN CONVERSATION WITH YOUR CHILDREN?
Take you, your pain, your hurt, out of the equation when speaking to your children.
Your child’s emotional and behavioural health will be highly influenced by how you speak to them and what you say.
Your words equate to your child’s health.
Use a SPIRIT FILTER each time you talk.
Will this word/action nourish my child's spirit and make them feel good? SAY IT .... DO IT
If not don’t say it ......do it
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN SEPARATING
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How can you encourage your ex partner to adopt strategies to keep your child unaffected?
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How can you get a narcissist to understand?
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How do you keep your pain and hurt and anger away from your child?
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How can you be happy for your children when they are with your ex and having a good time?
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How can you let go and move forward so it helps your child?
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What can you do when your child is missing the other parent?
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What can you do when a new partner is coercing and corrupting your child?
Let me support, guide and provide solutions
I've been through it and understand what you're feeling.
A narcissist, a cheater, an abuser, an addict. I could have painted a bad picture of him to our children and used them as pawns.
Where would this get me? This type of behaviour results in mentally and emotionally unhealthy children; insecure, anxious and with a strong chance of one day copying the behaviours I did - repeating the cycle.
We have children to raise them the best that we can. At the core of this is mental health. If you can preserve this during separation by nourishing them with love, connection and support - which means never saying bad things about the other parent - then you are serving your children’s wellbeing.
My children are so secure and have not had any psychological lasting impact on them from the separation. By following the protocol I will teach you, your children can grow up emotionally well too.
